Wahhhhh..another present ah..?

My eyes exploded with delight as I opened the box. It was so nice this gadget. Something I have always salivated over. Saw it in countless magazine many many times, again and again, and yet again. So finally, I gave in to my basic instincts, I threw my credit card at the counter and greedily manhandled my latest mobile phone...a SE k630i. It had kept me wonderfully happy that one week, downloading themes, wallpapers and tones, so much so that anyone could almost feel these warm reverberations a mile away. As I trod-off merrily to the gym that very evening with my prized possession safely held in my pocket, I could just imagine the look on my gym buddies' faces as they too, gloat over my prized possession.."wah, so nice one your brother, bought you this phone ah" as I threw them a snigger...Jealous ah? but of course, nobody was actually that interested. And of course, there had been a few other brands since then and that was like just a couple of months ago.

Can't remember how many times it's been, or how many presents I have bought for myself, only to reveal that some sweet relative of mine had actually given them to me. And so I went, merrily merrily down the mall, showering gifts after gifts on myself, only to tell little white lies later. That one ah, aiyah that one my father gave me one, this one leh..this one my brother gave to me one. Wah..so good one ah your family, so nice one..are the typical statements I some times hear. And I would just play along with that good feeling, that soft light tingling sensation that one gets whenever something wonderful happens. It's that feeling of opening your very first Christmas present on a snowy wintry day and often times I would feel that The Good Man Himself had truly felt sorry for me and somehow found His way to present me with those things, never mind that the money came physically from my own pocket. It was nice just the same.

Speaking of Christmas, I remember a long long time ago, holed up alone in a small little room in the dead of winter, I could hear people singing carols a distance away and the soft soft tinkling of bells here and there...with the occasional raucous laughter and noise coming from the other bedsitter rooms within the house, and wishing that someone would just ring the bell to my door, and scream out loud..."Merry X'mas...!!!" as I opened the door...But in that strange combination of silent elegance on a Christmas night and the noisy exuberance of my partying nearby neighbors, I sat in solitude, taking comfort in the warmth of my smelly wool comforter and putting the occasional 50p into the coin operated heater to keep the wintry cold away and staring at a lighted candle to keep the Christmas spirit alive. I remember too how delighted and profoundly happy I was when I opened my door the next morning and found a small little present placed in a brown paper-bag with my name on it....

I just want to say thank you to that beautiful angel who lived up on the first floor...those cookies were wonderful and they have lasted me so so long...

The weekend that was..

How do I start this thought?

The weekend just went by in a flash. A weekend that usually means a lot to a lot of people but has somehow not made any impact on me all the years of my life...A time when the living would go to pray at the graves and the urns of their loved ones who have since passed on. A time when my mom would without fail perform her duties as a filial daughter/daughter-in-law/wife and make all the necessary arrangements to appease the souls of her parents, in-laws and her husband with their favorite foods and prayers, year after year after year. I used to tell her that she better not expect me to do those things when she passes on unless she "really gets up" to eat and she would put on that dreaded look on her face, in anticipation of hungry days, months, and years awaiting her on the other side. Well, I told her as an after-thought to make her feel better, perhaps she can expect my older brother and his wife to "feed" her if necessary, which would make her face cringe all the more.

It was a weekend also that for a long long time since my Dad passed on that I had thought about him. It's been like, what...7 years, not that long really, but I cannot remember if it was in September or October when I got a call from my brother to say that Dad had "disappeared" which kind of had me stunned for a minute before I realised that he meant that Dad had passed on. He had gone rather quietly, extremely quietly in fact. He had gone to sleep and never woke up. Just like that. And for someone who had appeared just as quiet throughout the years of my life as my Dad, it did not seem to hurt that bad at that moment with the news. Hmm..was I missing something? Was I supposed to make a heartfelt disconnection to a connection that I never really felt? Was I simply put, supposed to be sad?

But strangely, I did feel a tinge of sadness this past weekend. I suddenly remembered a stoic, simple yet dignified gentleman who plodded on in his life as best he could to bring in the dough, to feed the family and to just go about doing everything in life in his own quiet way. We never talked much, he and I. Just once, he took me when I was about 7 or 8 years old, to see a chinese sword-fighting movie at the Federal cinema. And he bought me some snacks to go with it too. Yeah, that was the only time we bonded, father and son. There was another time when he spanked me for short-circuiting the electricity connection to the house for trying to reconnect a worn-out radio. The only time in my life he hit me, even though there were many many times when I shoved my test report card to him in his slumber and which were almost always filled with red numbers...screaming.."quick, sign, sign, school bus honking outside already.." And even when there were the occasional blue number inscribed, he never uttered a sound and would just sign my card, although I thought I did catch a glimpse of pride as I walked away, having felt equally proud of myself that I did not have to get his signature while he was probably having his nicest dreams. Otherwise, my memory of him is just this strange man with darkly tanned arms attached to a skinny pale body who could make a pin drop startle more than his presence. Then I went abroad, grew up too fast and along the way we grew apart and then I came back a quiet man.

Yeah, it was that kind of weekend, a time that momentarily snapped me out of my routine and brought a memory or two to my eyes. I could have "made" the weekend longer and remembered more things past but that would have made me more conscious of my absence from all those activities. Maybe next year...

Something real fishy here..

Doctors not allowed to dispense medications...soon?? "The Rx Issue" (NST 29/03/2008)

OMG, that was my reaction when I saw the front page news this morning. And I just so hate it when it appears to be pushed down our throats yet again. It is just a case of purely economics in my opinion, everyone wanting a bigger share of the pie. Let's just all come right out and admit it. I seriously do not think it is being planned with the benefit of patients/consumers in mind. To say that the consumer gets costs savings is such a lame excuse. If it was, why do the many many pharmacies continue to dispense ALL medicines, whether original or generics, with or without prescriptions and not exactly very cheaply either? I know my own Pharmacist will always leave the decision to me on whether I want the original or generic brand or whether I should go consult my Doctor first. On the other hand, if I have the experience of feeling over-charged by any doctor for treatment and medication, then I can just go choose another. At the end of the day, it's just not about consultation or medication, it is all about how concerned my Doctor is for my condition, how well he makes the diagnosis and how well he treats me, and I like getting it all done in one place. Having said that, however, I also strongly believe all the GP clinics should make efforts to educate their patients thoroughly and ensure that all medications are also labeled with the drug names. If a doctor can provide counseling on health-care needs/changes, I can't believe that they do not have the knowledge to explain on drug usage to the patients. I had thought that all medical schools teach doctors to provide holistic care..(aiyoh..all the information is available anyway on all drug package inserts - the doctor just needs to read them and explain them in layman's term). It is so silly to say that only Pharmacists can advise the patients thoroughly on the proper usage of medicines prescribed as I don't see any pharmacists going on rounds in any of the government or private hospitals thoroughly advising patients on how to take their medicines or for that matter at the prescription counters of most government or private hospitals...other than the usual.."makcik, ini ubat ambil satu biji, tiga kali sehari ya?"

As a consumer, I seriously do not wish to run around looking for a Pharmacy that is still open at 11pm at night after having seen a doctor to get my medications. I go to see the Pharmacist and then gets recommended a cheaper brand but because I tend to have more faith in my family doctor, I would have to call him up to ask if that is alright and that would probably be around midnight already. I mean, can you guys picture the unnecessary hassles? I am paying money for consultations and treatment on the spot and I expect to get that on the spot. If I wanted a separation of duties, then I would choose to go to a hospital but for which I seriously doubt I would get any better prescription advice at 11pm from the "pegawai farmasi" at the hospital. So, please, I would appreciate if the authorities would just lay-off and allow me to choose who or where I want to get my medication from unless the government wants to pay for them. I also do not think my friend will take lightly to such an arrangement either as he has to bring his paraplegic father who happens to be also a diabetic and hypertensive patient to see his family doctor and then be told that he has to carry and fold-unfold the wheelchair into his car to bring his father to the pharmacist for "better advice" on his medication.

Can you guys for once not think of how to "screw" us everyday people by thinking of ways and means to legitimize your so-called care for the society but are actually ripping us off instead? And to quote varying levels of success in those countries as a reason for pushing such a regulation through just isn't enough. The present system has served us well...leave it alone.