where is everybody ah..?

Just these past 2 months, a few of the shops operating in the same row as mine as somehow closed down. Why leh? Now, out of the row of 15 shops, only 8 are still left open for business. Is this a reflection of the current state of our economy or has everyone moved to a nicer, posher area to operate their businesses? Maybe it's time for me to pack up my things and run too, some where far far away..Mom has sold off her house and planning to move back to the island soon. I think it's a good move for her as she's not used to life in the city anyway.

But I am not doing too bad wor? Actually, coming along quite well, I must say. Maybe it's just the industry that I am involved in. Something that people cannot do without at times..and I am not talking about $#@..haha

But it would be nice if work was a daily holiday trip. Like maybe on a cruise ship. Hmm..interesting. That would be so nice. To be able to laze on the deck with nothing but the sounds of the sea-breeze and sea gulls lulling the days away, and nights spent in the on-board casino or stuffing myself silly on all the seafood. And at every port-of-call, a new set of adventures would await me. Wah...that would be the perfect life..

Then why can't I have it??..

Why do I get this feeling..

that someone is always watching over me?..at every turn of my life at every significant moment when critical decisions need to be made. Even when I am up to no good, like looking for a heavy lard-laden supper in the middle of the night, there's always this nagging nudge that tells me I shouldn't head towards certain places or walk down a certain road at certain times. Or sometimes, it's that sudden urge to turn around and do something else or even an unexpected meeting of an old friend who would take up the necessary delay to allow for a more favorable cosmic outcome.

I remember at one time in my life when I had a to make a really major major decision and I was at wits ends on what I needed to do, only to have the answers appear before me in my dream and woke up without a doubt. There had been countless times too when I felt that it would be in my best interest to just follow the road already "opened" up ahead than to be some smart ass to try otherwise. The kind of "I just knew it" feeling that gave me that innate confidence to proceed.

Which sort of brings me to what I have always thought strange about this world that we live in and the belief that there has to be a lot more than what is physically obvious to all of us. I mean, there must be more than just eating and defecating and then dying in life right? and then there must be another life right after this one? and maybe endless lives even..and perhaps all these lives are connected, past, present and future, at every minute second of the day through some unknown inter-dimensional means. Perhaps my long gone grandma and grandpa are actually right here next to me, just that I am not able to see them. Maybe they are also reading my blog and laughing cynically away at my feeble attempts to entertain myself. Maybe they are the ones who are telling me what to write and dad is still busy signing away my report card at his end. And in all honesty, I do actually feel them some times, in the still of that moment when my thoughts are empty and my heart is open, I feel their presence..and I feel blessed.

13/04/08
Oooo..just last night I had this weird feeling my "dad" was sitting in my room watching me sleep. Watching and smiling, and perhaps protecting me..which is strange as this is the very first time that I have dreamt of him focusing an activity on me. Previously, I would usually "see" him busy with some thing or some one..

16/04/08
aiyooo..another one last night. I was "cycling" some where and lo and behold, granny was walking under the sun with an umbrella on a bright beautiful day wearing her very nice blue floral outfit..and I went.."eh...Ah Mahhhhh !!"..and she said.."aiyah, that way no through road lah, take the other way..", as I spun my bike around. I woke-up with her instructions still ringing in my ears..

19/04/08
oh dear...yet another dream last night. Hope this is not turning habitual again..a cousin of mine had fainted all of a sudden and grandpa was there very quickly with a blood glucometer suggesting that we should measure her blood sugar. So clever grandpa..




30/04/08
goodness, these dreams are getting more and more frequent, with more and more dramas and dialogues in each play. just over the past one week, i have had 3 such episodes. should i be worried what such occurences might potentially portend? or maybe i should just be glad that i have that special capability..."i see dead people..in my dreams anyway"..

today got no inspiration..

Really really got no inspiration to write anything today after that event that occurred last saturday..still very sad when I look at my Savvy looking miserable in the workshop..crying out to me, "please please take me home. don't want to be beaten up by all these grubby looking people with greasy hands"..

Very very Sui ah yesterday...

Yesterday I was just nicely driving back from the gym and thinking what a wonderful day it was when suddenly..."Kaboom..BANG !!...&^%$#" a car just came right at me and knocked my front bumper off and broke the left headlight. I was about to turn into the car park and out of the blue there was this loud rubber screeching noise before the hit. In slo-mo fashion, the driver of that other car and I could just stare at each other and waited for the inevitable. That, oh no..we are both gonna die look on our faces only to sit there in our seats respectively for a good minute, before we got out to assess the damage. I am mighty proud of my Proton Savvy though, just got a little hurt on the left side of the bumper and the glass of the left headlight broken but otherwise, my engine was still running smoothly. The other fella had a horrified look on his face when he came out...the front bit of his car, a Proton Wira, had receded by a good one foot into the engine, and the engine into the inner compartment. And of course, his engine spluttered and died on the spot.

But what really got to me was the way that fella was speeding on a small lane never meant as a race track and although it was unfortunate that it was my car that he knocked into, I gave thanks that there were no kids running across that small lane, and the kids very often do that, who might have gotten flattened in the process..And he had the nerve to come out and tell me it was my fault for not showing my indicator light before turning !! I could have smacked him right across the face and told him off.."Eh..hullo !! I stopped, when I saw you speeding, right in the middle of the road. You lost control of your car and you banged into me on my side of the road and you dare to tell me it's my fault!!!" but the look on my face obviated the need for that exchange. Plus I think he probably had a lot of answering to do to his friend who owned the car that he so callously drove without me needing to add salt to his wound.

If only there was a close-circuit camera nearby to record the event..
Luckily hor...I still got another car to drive...hehe

Aiyoh..very geram nya..

Why ah...must people do the exact opposite things despite telling them not to, again and again and again? Why do people always without fail still want irritate the %$#@ out of you, knowing very well that you are already not in the best of moods. At times like these...I just want to pull all my hair out or put them through a happy slapping exercise for eight full hours...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

When you say, don't use the computer for anything other than data processing, they'd still surreptitiously click here and there, stealthily surf the net and inadvertently invite a virus into my office network. And adamantly deny on the graves of their ancestors that they did not touch the mouse..eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..

When you say don't eat your food in front of customers, they'd still do it. And when the floor gets dirty, they'd wait until you have to tell them to sweep or mop, again and again and again. Or telling them to put the toilet sit-cover up after use and not pee anywhere else but into the bowl, they still do the contrary. And when you tell them to give you an advance notice when they need to apply for leave, they call in sick instead. But they never fail to be first in line at the end of the day when it comes to collecting their over-time wages or remind that their monthly pay be deposited into their bank accounts on time..eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

There.....I feel much better already..

On days like this..

I wish I could just laze around in bed for a few minutes longer, to hug my pillows a little while longer and inhale that stale aroma that is uniquely my own. To leave my eyes half open and dream of days lying under the sun, by the beach on some island that belongs to no one but me. Or dive endlessly with the sea creatures and never needed to come up for air.

On days like this when I am staring blankly into space, I wish I could just stuff myself with buckets and buckets of buttered-popcorn watching endless movies or find myself in a matrix living out every action that is only limited by my imagination. To be the greatest singer or actor and be idolized by many. On days like this, I wish I could also run a full marathon and not feel tired in any way or to swim like an Olympian and fully bask in all its glory. Or maybe to do just nothing but still feel completely contented every single minute of the day.

On days like this, I wish I could just stop all my nocturnal nightmares dead in their tracks and emerge a new spirit to face another day. And when I am lazing there and pondering the days of my life, I wish I could just turn back the clock and freeze it at the peak of my time. To be able to walk down the road and be looked upon like Zeus or Apollo, with all its magnificence and be seen as perfect on any day. On days like this, actually I just wish I could sleep for a few minutes more.

Yes..if only everyday could be days like this..

Money..money..money..ah ha...

in a rich man's world..ahhaaaahhhhh...all the things I could do, if I had a little money...

Don't we all know that tune so well. We go through half our lives chasing those elusive pieces of paper, and we push away everything else that got in the way. We would go to the far corners of the earth to earn those extra few bucks, and in the process slowly forgetting the paradise that we left behind. We would forgo sleep, love, friendships and even food some times just so we could have more in our pockets, only to find that our pockets keep getting bigger and bigger and harder and harder to fill. And then we find our youth wasted away.

We forget about the joys of eating cup noodles on a cold rainy night, of having to share our best friend's meal at school because we did not have any pocket money left from the year before. We forget about the fun we used to have walking in the rain after school because we did not have the bus fare or the times when we had to borrow our friend's textbooks and felt eternally grateful for them. And then we die an eternal death all the same, with nothing but ashes to show.

We forget about those days too when our parents could only afford to buy us chicken-less chicken rice but we chomped the food down gleefully anyway. And every new year was a new cycle of recycled hand-me-downs but we nevertheless happily cat-walked our way to the relatives' houses just the same. We forget too the abundance that we used to have if only we had stopped to appreciate, only to be offered food and given paper houses and cars plentifully in our deaths.

But we always remember how it is that our neighbors and relatives are always one step ahead of us in their annual vacation trips, the cars that they would drive or even the numerous fashion designer bags that the fella's wife would parade about, down to the finest details. And we never fail to remember where we saw them ate at all the exclusive restaurants in town over the last 6 months, only to pretend that we actually just came out of one ourselves each time we met. We always remember to gloat about our own little achievements and ensure that we throw in sufficient exaggerations to extract more oohs and wahs. And we will always remember to ask God for more wealth and prosperity each time we go to the temples or churches to pray. If only we did not forget that God already made us perfect in every way and given us all that we could ever need every single day.

If only we would try to always remember and never forget ..