i look out the window..

and what do i see? just a miserable reflection of me...in ripples through rain-drop puddles collecting on the natural garden outside. a garden that never was intended but grew into one anyway. the wild ferns inter-twinning with wild grass and wild money plant. i sometimes wonder if i would just dry up like that puddle of rain water when the sun comes out, not leaving any traces of me in this existence or if i should just trickle down a leaf and hide inside some cool damp soil and remain comfortable for as long as i can. would my life be any different, i often wonder..

i sometimes see people marching down the streets, making statements, clenched fists stabbing at the air with shouts for freedom. for justice. and for truths. i see determined faces walking, with shared purposes and solidarities. and yet i see my own rain drop holding steadfastly and hiding away from the sun..

i see a mother nursing her child, oblivious to the stare of one pubescent fella walking by. she only knows what she knows best. to nurture and to nourish. to provide, for she hopes that her child will one day become a nation she can be proud of. i see a father toiling under the sun, carrying cruel weights on his shoulder, only to bring home a shrinking piece of paper that buys nothing much for the day except shattered dreams for his generation and the next.

but i see my days and the nights that come after one another mostly from the comfort of my sofa, constantly looking through that window only to reinforce my endless cycle of sun and rain. i wonder if this raindrop will ever find a needful seed. to help it bloom into the biggest flower there ever is. will it even roll down the drain, mixed into the streams to finally contribute to an ocean. or will it just evaporate without a trace under a blazing sun, and never have that chance to see a life that may just be filled with nothing but glory.

and so i continue to look out the window, hoping to see...perhaps a better reflections of me..