Why do I get this feeling..

that someone is always watching over me?..at every turn of my life at every significant moment when critical decisions need to be made. Even when I am up to no good, like looking for a heavy lard-laden supper in the middle of the night, there's always this nagging nudge that tells me I shouldn't head towards certain places or walk down a certain road at certain times. Or sometimes, it's that sudden urge to turn around and do something else or even an unexpected meeting of an old friend who would take up the necessary delay to allow for a more favorable cosmic outcome.

I remember at one time in my life when I had a to make a really major major decision and I was at wits ends on what I needed to do, only to have the answers appear before me in my dream and woke up without a doubt. There had been countless times too when I felt that it would be in my best interest to just follow the road already "opened" up ahead than to be some smart ass to try otherwise. The kind of "I just knew it" feeling that gave me that innate confidence to proceed.

Which sort of brings me to what I have always thought strange about this world that we live in and the belief that there has to be a lot more than what is physically obvious to all of us. I mean, there must be more than just eating and defecating and then dying in life right? and then there must be another life right after this one? and maybe endless lives even..and perhaps all these lives are connected, past, present and future, at every minute second of the day through some unknown inter-dimensional means. Perhaps my long gone grandma and grandpa are actually right here next to me, just that I am not able to see them. Maybe they are also reading my blog and laughing cynically away at my feeble attempts to entertain myself. Maybe they are the ones who are telling me what to write and dad is still busy signing away my report card at his end. And in all honesty, I do actually feel them some times, in the still of that moment when my thoughts are empty and my heart is open, I feel their presence..and I feel blessed.

13/04/08
Oooo..just last night I had this weird feeling my "dad" was sitting in my room watching me sleep. Watching and smiling, and perhaps protecting me..which is strange as this is the very first time that I have dreamt of him focusing an activity on me. Previously, I would usually "see" him busy with some thing or some one..

16/04/08
aiyooo..another one last night. I was "cycling" some where and lo and behold, granny was walking under the sun with an umbrella on a bright beautiful day wearing her very nice blue floral outfit..and I went.."eh...Ah Mahhhhh !!"..and she said.."aiyah, that way no through road lah, take the other way..", as I spun my bike around. I woke-up with her instructions still ringing in my ears..

19/04/08
oh dear...yet another dream last night. Hope this is not turning habitual again..a cousin of mine had fainted all of a sudden and grandpa was there very quickly with a blood glucometer suggesting that we should measure her blood sugar. So clever grandpa..




30/04/08
goodness, these dreams are getting more and more frequent, with more and more dramas and dialogues in each play. just over the past one week, i have had 3 such episodes. should i be worried what such occurences might potentially portend? or maybe i should just be glad that i have that special capability..."i see dead people..in my dreams anyway"..